Have you ever caught yourself trying to change someone else’s opinion? Tell them they’d be “…better off if only…”? How many times have you disagreed with someone’s outlook or situation to the point of not even “hearing” them anymore?
Every person has his/her own perception of reality. Understanding these perceptions is instrumental in order to avoid being judgemental. In relationships, whether it be husband and wife, brother and sister, a friend, a co-worker, any type of relationship, tension is created when we don’t understand the perception of the other person.
Perception is the key component to the Wakefield Doctrine (the theory of clarks, scotts and rogers). It enables us to avoid most confrontation. After all, if we are judging other people then aren’t we essentially judging ourselves without even thinking about it? This does not mean that we have to agree to everyone’s opinions. But rather we can avoid getting overly-emotional to the point of becoming judgemental. In other words, when we understand that a person is a clark, a scott or a roger (or type a, b and c as the “professionals” would have you say) we understand their perception of reality. This is the most reliable and useful tool when it comes to understanding other people and where they are coming from.
You hear me refer to these 3 types in just about all of my posts. There is a reason for that. If you want to be able to go through life in a manner that it is almost conflict-free in any situation then it is imperative that you understand these 3 perceptions. I can guarantee you that the Wakefield Doctrine will give you the answer to your questions regarding other’s behavior (“Why is he/she acting like that and saying those things?” or “Why does she always have to be the center of attention?”). You will find yourself more willing to listen and actually “hear” what the other person is saying because you will know how they think. Once you understand the world that the other person is experiencing, you are then in a position to communicate effectively. Put another way, imagine that you were fluent in all languages. You then try to communicate with someone over a closed circuit TV, with the sound off. (You also have the ability to read lips). Until you know the language the other person is using to communicate, you will not be able to understand them or be understood….no matter what, no matter how hard you try or how smart you may be. And the added stress when it comes to relationships? Finally the relief from the frustration that you’ve been experiencing is here.
So go to the Doctrine and read up on the three types. It will be quite revealing. You will then know why a person acts the way they do and says the things they say. The lines to effective communication will be opened. And the tension (which leads to chaos) that you have been experiencing will no longer take hold of you.